Think First, Speak Second
By Susan Mandel Glazer

It was a rush to get to the airport when we were traveling to the International Reading Association's (IRA) annual meeting this May. Orlando, FL was our destination and we looked forward to revisiting childhood memories of Mickey Mouse – and so were the rest of the folks waiting at the gate. Kids sporting mouse ears ran ahead of their parents to get to the plane and adult children (like you and me), charged as well. When the take-off time had been postponed for an hour, we were all disappointed. But then one hour became two and two hours became three. The plane's air conditioning system needed to be repaired. After a while, sitting became difficult for adults and children alike.

Why am I sharing this?
The poor kids! And the parents seemed to be slowly losing their minds. "Oh, he's going to act up," spouted a parent of a three-year-old. "Mine will be fine until his sister begins to crab at him," another parent shared. The mother presumed that her child would be incorrigible and the child performed as expected. The youngster interrupted the conversation when she heard her mother lamenting about her, crawled onto her mother's shoulder and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, I love you!" The child needed acceptance because she had been demeaned. Unfortunately, this child had learned from past experiences that this was how to gain attention.

Adults all around the gate area reprimanded children for talking too loudly. The irony behind these dreadful adult actions is the fact that those who yelled at the children shouted at them in decibel counts higher than those the youngsters used. I shuddered and left my seat to escape the scene.

So, what's my point?
School's about to begin. Some of you are teaching for the first time. There are those of you who are gearing up to start all over again. For those of you who are entering our profession, be careful. Your classroom may become like those from your past or like those from your student teaching experiences. This is how you learned. If your experiences were child-friendly and encouraged you to learn, keep them. If you had uncomfortable experiences, you need to make an effort to change them.

Those of us who are long-timers with old habits may wonder, "How does this apply to me?" Ask yourself, "Do I say things to kids that I would like said to me?"

Contradicting expectations
We often contradict our expectations for children. When we tell kids to be quiet, some may feel like they are being yelled at. Others interpret loud voices, severe facial expressions and pointed fingers to mean, "Be quiet or you'll be punished." I've heard educators say to children, "Be quiet when you walk in the halls," and then turn to a colleague and converse. Often there are threats like, "If you don't get it done, you'll get detention." Remarks like, "I'll wait until everyone is ready," while staring at the unsettled child are accusatory and humiliating. These derogatory statements often damage students' self-confidence and their desire to learn. We may be well-meaning, but comments like these are detrimental. If your language is similar to the chart below, you're already easing kids into action.

The most important variable
The single most important variable in the equation for children's success in learning is you. As teachers, you should speak to children as you would like to be spoken to. Ask yourself before you speak to your students, "How would I feel if someone spoke to me like I am about to speak to this child?" If you feel you might be even the least bit uncomfortable upon hearing your words, please don't say them to your student. Remember that children will always suffer from unkind language more so than from a lack of appropriate instruction.

By the way, I sat next to a grandmother from Pennsylvania on my way home from the IRA convention. When we were chatting, she told me about how she enjoyed crafting stationery that was based on the interests of each of her grandchildren. "I write to them even though they live only a few miles away," she told me. "One of them wrote to me on her new stationery before I wrote to her." What a nice surprise!

So remember, speak positively, keep your students active and talking for 85% of the day and they will succeed. I hope you all have an extraordinary year!

Susan Mandel Glazer is the Director of the Center for Reading and Writing at Rider University in Lawrence, NJ.

August/September 2003, Vol.34, No.1